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Favorite this joke ME: "I will take $50 on pump one please..."
BARTENDER: "Sir, please get your mouth off the keg!"
“Mom, dad, sit down. I have something very important to tell you,” said Samantha, upon her return home from college after graduation.
“I met a guy who lives near the college that I really like and we decided we are going to get married!”
“Oh Samantha! I am so happy for you!” gushed her mom giving, her a big hug. “I hope you two will be really happy together! I can’t wait to meet him!”
“Tell us more about him” said her dad, “does he have any money?”
“Oh Dad! Is that all you men ever think about? That was the first question he asked me about you too!”
Two old settlers out in the FAR WEST, confirmed bachelors, got to talking about cooking.
"I got one of them cookery books once, but I could do nothing with it."
"Too much fancy work in it, eh?"
"You said it! Every one o'them recipes began the same way... 'Take out a clean dish'... that settled me."
Milkman (to new hand): "Did you put water in the milk this morning?"
New hand: "Yes sir."
Milkman: "Don't you know this is wicked?"
"But you told me to mix water with the milk?"
"Yes, but I told you to put the water in first and then pour the milk into it. Then, you see, we can tell the people we never put water in our milk."
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