Latest Jokes

After raising four kids and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years ... a literature course.

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.

He ambled over to the lectern, took out a paper, and began: "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."

I was working feverishly to get down all the names when I felt a tap on my shoulder. The student behind me whispered, "Slow down... he's just taking attendance."

A lawyer was talking to his teenage son about his future career. “Why do you want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer?” he asked. “What’s wrong with lawyers?”

“Well, Dad,” explained the boy, “I really want to help people. And when was the last time you heard anybody stand up in a crowd and shout frantically, ‘Is there a lawyer in the house?’”

The teacher in Little Johnnys class approached him and directed he go to the principal's office. When he got there, the principle said to him, "Little Johnny, I've had complaints about you from all your teachers. What have you been doing?"

Little Johnny replied, "Nothing, Sir!"

The principal replied, "EXACTLY!"

What do you say to your sister when she's crying?

"Are you having a crisis?"