Latest Jokes

Mr. Magic: I can turn this handkerchief into a flower.

Little Johnny: That’s nothing. I can walk down the street and turn into an alley.

Following an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother, eight noisy and shoving siblings, and I arrived at Rheine-Main Air Base in Germany.

"Do you have any weapons or illegal drugs in your possession?" the customs agent asked my weary mother.

"Sir," she said while separating my brother and me, "if I had either of those items, I would have used them by now."

What do you get if you cross a Ford Taurus with uranium?

A Ford Fusion.

Jake is 5 and learning to read. He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"

The mom reacts, and takes a deep breath. "What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant, Mama! It says so on the picture!"

The mom grabs the book and takes a look. Her son was right, the book read "African Elephant".