A female crab was walking down the beach one evening when she noticed a male crab coming toward her, but he was walking straight and not sideways.
Impressed by his talent, she decided to marry him immediately. The next morning she noticed him walking sideways like any ordinary crab. She asked, "What happened? Yesterday you were able to walk straight!"
He answered, "What?! I can't get that drunk every day!"
We gathered at our four year old's birthday party. I asked the birthday girl, "What does a dog say?"
She answered, "Ruff ruff."
"What does a cat say?"
I asked one more, "What does the duck say?"
"Very good... okay, one more. What does your grandma say?"
She answered with the loud voice, "OH MY GOD!"
My husband's expanding waistline was a sore subject, but I could no longer ignore it, especially since he's still young and handsome.
"Honey," I said, using a seductive voice, "If you lose 20 pounds, I promise to dance for you."
Using his sarcastic voice, he shot back, "Lose ten pounds and I'll watch."