A lion was walking in the jungle and met two men. One is sitting on a rock reading a book and the other is working at a typewriter.
The lion ate only one. Which one and why?
He ate the man reading the book because everyone knows that reader's digest and writer's cramp.
The guy sat next to me on the train pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?"
I said, "If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate!"
He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"
I said, "No, she’s an optician!"