An English boy came home from school to hear the family parrot say, "Liam never does his homework."
Liam: "Who told you that?"
Polly looked the other way and said nothing..
Liam: "So, mum's the word eh."
Polly: "Oh man, don't tell Mum I told you."
A sailor was swallowed by a whale and lived to tell the tale.
When asked by a reporter what the scariest part was he answered, "The graffiti... someone wrote 'Pinocchio was here.'"
When I was 20, "What am I doing here?" was an important existential question.
Now that I am 66, "What am I doing here?" involves staring at an open refrigerator.
"Your call is very important to us...
... Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo."