Latest Jokes

1 votes
 

I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles, as well as pick up after their pets.

One day, I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up, and put them back on the shelf. The next week, the same thing happened.

That afternoon, my employer came into the parlor, her faithful dog behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase. "Nya," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep getting your bones up there?"

1 votes

CATEGORY Animal Jokes
posted by "wadejagz" |
$15.00 won 3 votes

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

"Why?" my daughter asked.

"Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been. It's dirty and probably has germs," I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart."

I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed. "So if you don't pass the test, then you have to be the daddy?"

"Exactly," I replied back, with a big smile on my face.

3 votes

CATEGORY Family Jokes
Joke Won 3rd Place won $15.00
posted by "Harry Finkelstein" |
$50.00 won 6 votes

My wife told me I was immature...

So I told her to get out of my pillow fort.

6 votes

CATEGORY Marriage Jokes
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |
$50.00 won 5 votes

My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me.

I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

5 votes

CATEGORY Puns
Joke Won 1st Place won $50.00
posted by "Gegg Smith" |