I accidentally put eye drops in my ear...
Now I can literally see what you’re saying!
Places I'd Rather Not Live...
- Paradox, New York
- Crapo, Maryland
- Boogertown, North Carolina
- Hellhole, Idaho
- Purgatory, Maine
- Girdletree, Maryland
- Rabbithash, Kentucky
I recently spotted an albino Dalmatian.
It was the least I could do for him
- If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.