City boy, visiting his cousin's farm: "Say, why doesn't that cow have horns?"
Country cousin: "There are many reasons why a cow might not have horns. Some grow horns late in life, some have them removed, some might lose them in an accident, and then there are certain breeds who simply never grow horns. This cow doesn't have horns because it's a horse."
An elderly friend told about a nephew of his who became an orthopedic bone surgeon 50 years ago and moved to Colorado.
"Oh, where in Colorado did he move too?"
"I don't know but I'm sure it was at the base of a mountain that had a ski slope on it."
Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"
Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"
Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"
Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"
Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."
"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."
"Have you...err... broken wind yet?"
"Well, don't, 'cause I'm in Phoenix!"