Past Winners

I may not be my mom's favorite child...

But I know I am the first one that comes to mind when the police show up.

My wife said, "Honey I didn’t marry you for your good looks, because you’re not so handsome, and I didn’t marry you for your money either because we’re always broke, I married you for your brain, BECAUSE it’s the little things that count."

Father: "Hold your horses, son."

5-year-old: "I don't have any horses."

Father: "It means calm down."

5-year-old: "I can't, my horses are gone."

At a girl's college dormitory, dates were permitted only on Saturday night. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, explaining to an older woman in the lobby of the dorm that it was imperative he see a certain young lady immediately.

"I want to surprise her. You see, I'm her brother."

"Oh, she'll be surprised all right," said the woman. "But think of how surprised I am, I'm her mother!"