Past Winners

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bud said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bud says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bud says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff - no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

"Yeah, well there's just one thing..."

"What's that?"

"Have you...err... broken wind yet?"

"No."

"Well, don't, 'cause I'm in Phoenix!"

If an ant needs to dig a really big hole in the ground...

Do you suppose it could rent a Caterpillar?

Top 5 Things We're Hoping A.I. Does For Us:

Call balls and strikes. Seriously. Is it in the square, or not?

Explain how my wife can always be wrong.

Defend my Magic the Gathering collection with laser weapons.

Help me understand why Carrot Top is funny.

Replacing rolls of toilet paper the right way.

I tried to re-marry my ex-wife…

But she figured out I was only after my money!