Past Winners

There was a Roman emperor who never aged after he turned 19...

His name was Constant-Teen.

James comes home to find his wife Rachel sobbing bitterly. "Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry," she sniffles. "I was ironing your suit and went to answer the phone and ended up burning a big hole right in the seat of your pants!"

"There, there, darling," James replies, gently patting her shoulder. "All is well. I have another pair of pants to go with that suit."

"I know," Rachel sniffles. "I used them to patch the hole."

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction...

I read to the end and say, "Well, that's not going to happen."

A man sees a job advert published on a building site, "Handy man wanted; apply within." The man goes to speak to the foreman and applies.

Foreman: "Can you drive a forklift truck?"

Man: "No."

Foreman: "Can you plaster?"

Man: "No."

Foreman: "Can you brick lay?"

Man: "No."

Foreman: "If you don't mind me asking, what's handy about you?"

Man: "I only live five minutes down the road."