Past Winners

We were driving in my friend Larry's new car. I asked him about its features.

He listed the usual, then added: "It tells me to slow down as I approach the speed limit. It warns me when I have to stop. It points out solid no-passing lines."

I expressed my amazement.

"But," he explained, "these features work only when my wife is in the car."

How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

A famous model is going on a vacation in Africa. She takes her little bag dog Foofie along with her because she never went anywhere without her. As the model goes off exploring, Foofie wanders away on her own and soon gets lost; the little dog becomes very scared, looking all around her for any familiar sights, upon which she suddenly sees a leopard ready to pounce!

Noticing a pile of bones nearby, Foofie strolls over and begins chewing on one of the bones. "Mmm, what a tasty leopard. I wonder if there's another one around." The leopard immediately turns pale and runs fearfully back into the jungle. A monkey, who had happened to see everything, climbs down from a branch and whispers in the leopard's ear; furious, the leopard begins storming back out with the monkey on his back.

Upon seeing the leopard returning, Foofie knows what must have happened and quickly begins looking all around. "Where is that monkey? I told him to bring me another leopard hours ago but he never came back."

Nothing looks good on me anymore,” wailed a customer modeling an outfit in front of the department store’s mirror.

“Nonsense, ma’am,” soothed the salesclerk. “That dress says it all.”

“That’s the problem,” the woman replied. “I need a dress that keeps its mouth shut.”