Past Winners

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.

When an eel bites your thigh and you bleed out and die, that’s a moray.

When you’re smashed with a jug in a South Auckland pub, that’s a Māori.

When you see a big boat tied up with a rope, that’s a mooring.

When you wake up and it’s bright because it’s no longer night, that’s the morning.

Three very mischievous old ladies are sitting on a park bench when they see an old man walk by. "Say, fella," the first lady says. "I bet we can guess your age."

The man pauses and looks at them skeptically. "Guess my age? that's impossible."

"C'mon, we'll show you," the second lady says. "First, we'll need to look up your nose." Embarrassed by the notion but wondering if the ladies truly knew something, the old man walks over and lifts his head, enabling them to look right up his nose.

"Okay, now stick one finger up your nose, one finger in your ear, cross your eyes and sing Danny Boy in a loud voice." the third lady says. The man then does so; the ladies muse for a few moments, before saying, "You are 87 years old."

"Why, that's incredible," the man gasps. "That's absolutely right! Tell me, how were you able to tell?" He had silently wondered how all of these seemingly random methods had enabled the ladies to find out his age.

The ladies reply, "We were at your birthday party."

Six-year-old Ned's mother was looking through an old family Bible when an oak leaf fell out.

Ned said, "That must be Adam's."

Juan Vega, the clam diver, found an injured sea otter and nursed it back to health. From the moment the grateful otter was able to walk, it never left Juan's side. It even learned to dig for clams.

One day, a man went to Juan's house looking to hire him for a week. His wife answered the door, and said "He can work for you, but it will cost you $500."

"That much?" asked the man.

"But you're getting my husband and his otter," said the wife. "They bring up more clams than anyone else in town."

"But I just want Juan. I'll hire him alone for $350," the man countered.

"Sorry," she shrugged. "You can't have Juan without the otter."