Past Winners

My Uncle Elroy used to sell pants for 25 cents apiece.

Everyone called him Quarter Roy.

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from a foreign country. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building.

"Your workers, they're escaping!" cries the visitor. "You've got to stop them."

"Don't worry, they'll be back," says the American. And indeed, at exactly one o'clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "Well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?"

"Forget the machines," says the visitor. "How much do you want for that whistle?

I have so much debt...

I can start a government.

Joe: "Say Moe, I'll bet you $10 that I can prove to you that I'm not actually here."

Moe: "Not actually here? That makes no sense."

Joe: "Well then, I'll prove it. Am I in Chicago?"

Moe: "No."

Joe: "Am I in New York?"

Moe: "No."

Joe: "Am I in Hawaii?"

Moe: "No."

Joe: "If I'm not in any of those places, I must be somewhere else, and if I'm somewhere else, then I'm not here. I'll take my $10 now, please."

Moe: "How can I pay you if you're not here?"