A professor reproved his students for coming late to class. "This is a class in English composition," he remarked with sarcasm, "not an afternoon tea."
At the next meeting, one girl was twenty minutes late. The professor waited until she had taken her seat. Then he remarked bitingly, "How will you have your tea Miss Jones?"
"Without the lemon, please," Miss Jones answered quite gently.
At a training session in the fire station, the team was assembled around the kitchen table.
The training officer was discussing the behavior of fire. "You pull up to a house and notice puffs of smoke coming from the eaves, blackened out windows and little or no visible flame. What does this tell you?" he asked.
He was expecting to hear that the house is in a possible back draft situation, a condition very dangerous to fire fighters. Instead he heard the following from one quick wit in the back, "You got the right place!"
As he stood at the bar for the first time with his son the proud father said, "Now is as good of time to talk about some of the facts of life. Remember. a man that drinks beyond his capacity is no gentleman. To enjoy life you must observe a happy medium. Have a drink occasionally, but never, never, never get drunk."
"Yes sir," replied his dutiful son, "but how am I to know when I am drunk?"
"Well, you see those two men over there in the corner?" said the father. "If you were to see four men, you'd know you were drunk."
"Dad, let me have the keys," grinned the son. "There's only one guy over there."