Salesman: "Just give us a small deposit, ma'am, and you'll pay nothing for the next six months."
Woman: "I see you've heard of us."
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank-in-Stein.
Two daughters were having a discussion about family resemblance. "I look like Mom," said my nine-year-old, "but I have Dad's eyes and Dad's lips."
The six-year-old said, "And I look just like Dad, but I have light hair."
Then she turned to me. "Mom," she asked, "what does Dad have to do with us being born anyway?"
Her older sister jumped right in. "Don't be stupid, Christina. Dad is the one who drove Mom to the hospital."
Busily texting his girlfriend while hiking along the Colorado River, our fearless trail guide stumbled over a tree root and went flying head-over-heels into a patch of prickly pear cactus.
He tried to shrug off the episode, but for the rest of the expedition, we fondly referred to him as our 'Trip Leader!'