A climate scientist and a climate-change denier walk into a bar. The climate-change denier goes to the bartender and asks for the strongest drink in the house.
The bartender takes out a bottle and says, "This is Absinthe, about 75% alcohol. Can I sell you a glass?"
The climate-change denier gets all upset and leaves the bar in a huff. The climate scientist says to the bartender, "Those climate-change deniers! You can show them the proof but they still won't buy it!
On a recent flight from New York to Seattle an elderly lady stands up and shouts, "Is there a doctor here?"
A nice, serious guy approaches her quickly and tells her, "I am. What is the problem?"
She replies, "Do you want to meet my daughter?"
A pirate walks into a pub on the mainland with an enormous rainbow feathered parrot on his shoulder. The barkeep stares at the rather intimidating bird until he finally gathers enough courage to ask the pirate about it.
He points at the pirate and says, “Where did you get that?”
“Pirate Bay,” the parrot answers, “the place is filled to the brim with ’em!”
The bank robber enters the bank with his gun drawn in plain sight.
He walks to the middle of the lobby, pauses for a few seconds, turns around a couple of times, and then approaches a teller.
Then scratching his temple with the gun barrel, he says to the teller, "Do you ever enter a room and forget why?"