Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging of how great their fathers are.
The first one says, "Well, my dad runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow."
The second one says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My dad's a ball player. He can throw a ball and be there before the ball lands on the ground."
The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says, "You two know nothing about fast. My dad is a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45."
10 reasons you might be an artist:
10) You were more concerned about the color of your car than the fuel consumption.
9) The highlights in your hair are from your palette and not Clairol.
8) You are having lunch with the girls and the fragrance you wear is eau d'linseed oil.
7) The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel.
6) You butter your toast with your fingers, just to feel its texture.
5) You talk about going to a show where the pictures don't move.
4) You know what shade of green the lichen on the trees is.
3) You can't find a nice outfit for your date because everything has paint smears on.
2) Your date ends up with paint smears on her/him.
And the final reason you might be an artist...
#1) If you are over age 50 and still have no health insurance.
To increase his tips the local bartender posted the following:
PHONE NOTIFICATION FEES (ADD $1.00 TO INSERT NAME)
$1.00 HE NOT HERE!
$2.00 ON HIS WAY OUT!
$3.00 HE JUST LEFT!
$4.00 HAVEN'T SEEN HIM ALL DAY!
PAY BARTENDER UPON ARRIVAL AT BAR.
The percussionist, tired of being teased by her band-mates, decides to switch instruments.
She walks into the local music shop, points to her choices and says, “I’ll take that trumpet and that accordion.”
The shop assistant looks at her for a second and replies, “Okay, you can take the fire extinguisher, but the radiator’s not for sale.”