I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory...
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
My wife gave me an ultimatum.
It was her or my addiction to sweets.
The decision was a piece of cake.
I was walking past a farm and a sign said 'Duck, eggs!'
I thought, "That's an unnecessary comma..."
And then it hit me.
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.
MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!!!