Past Winners

What do you call an eagle who can play the piano?

Talonted!

Rich old man had three younger friends that he wanted to do something nice for. He summoned them to his mansion. He told them he wanted to do something nice for each of them and was gonna give each one million dollars.

There was one stipulation, upon his death he wanted to be buried with that million from each of them. They all agreed. Several years later, the old man died. Fast forward to the grave site, the three men are there all by themselves.

1st man says to the 2nd man: “You know, I’m gonna miss our friend. But I have to admit it was tough to put all that money in the coffin.”

2nd man acknowledges and says, “Yeah, I know what you mean.“

The first two men look across the grave and say to the 3rd man, “You don’t look so sad. Did you put your million in the coffin too?”

3rd man says: “Oh yes, I did, and I’m gonna miss him too. But I don’t think he is gonna cash that check wherever he's going!”

I felt a little lightheaded so I booked an online virtual doctor’s appointment with my physician at One Medical.

“What seems to be your problem?” asked the doc.

“I’m lightheaded and I think I might be anemic,” I stated.

“Well, let’s get some blood work ordered and we’ll know for sure,” replied the doctor. “Anything else I can help you with?”

"Yes, I’m wondering if I can still add a few items to my Amazon Fresh order?”

A man dies and goes to heaven. As he walks towards the heaven, he passes by the hell. His curiosity gets better of him and he peeks inside and sees people laughing, singing, a band playing heartily and people are all dancing. He thinks to himself, "If hell is this lively, I cannot wait to see what heaven looks like."

He proceeds and walks into heaven. Heaven is all quiet, serene, birds chirping, flowers blooming, sun is shining. He looks around and sees a man sitting leisurely under a tree. He walks up to him and says, "I just peeped into hell and there everyone was laughing, singing, dancing and they even had a band playing great music. In contrast, it's so quiet in here. The man sitting says, "What did you think? Should we have hired a band here too just for one person?"