Past Winners

I asked my phone, "Siri, why am I so bad with women?"

She said, "I'm Alexa you moron."

Why did Little Johnny start each day gluing coins to the back of his shirts and stretching to touch his toes?

Because he was going out for the football team, and he wanted to be the quarter-back!

But why the stretching?

So he could touch-down...

Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.

I leave the number of the room next to me. It just rings very quietly and you hear a guy yell, "Why are you calling me?"

Then I get up and take a shower. It's great.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.