The golfer sliced a ball into a field of chickens, striking one of the hens and killing it instantly. He was understandably upset, and sought out the farmer.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “my terrible tee-shot hit one of your hens and killed it. Can I replace the hen?”
“I don’t know about that,” replied the farmer, mulling it over. “How many eggs a day do you lay?”
They decided that they wanted to reveal the gender of the baby at our family reunion of about 40 people.
That night, after just finishing up a BBQ, my brother and his wife stand up and announce to the family that they are going to have a little baby girl. Everyone starts cheering, naturally and once the cheers die down a little I shout out, “Do you have a name for the baby yet?”
My brother replies, “Yeah. Landa Noelle.”
Everyone starts to “Ooohhh” and “Ahhhh” and proclaim how pretty of a name it is.
Then after a moment I shout, “How the heck are you supposed to spell Landa with no L?”
One day a Stepford Wife entered an auto body shop claiming that she’d suffered extensive damage to her new car.
The mechanic thought he’d have some fun with her so he told her that she didn’t need him to fixed all the dents.
He said she could fix them herself by blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she could and they’d all pop out.
The Stepford Wives went home and proceeded to get down on her hands and knees in the driveway. She was blowing into the pipe as hard as she could and her face was turning purple when The Stepford Wife from across the street walked over and asked what she was doing?
After hearing the whole story the second Stepford Wife pauses for a moment then responds, “Hello! The windows are down!"
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were debating whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.
The player said: “When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’s fault. Similarly when I get good cards, the dealer isn’t responsible. So why should I tip him?”
The dealer countered: “When you eat out, do you tip the waiter?”
“Well, he serves you food, and I’m serving you cards, so you should tip me.”
“Fair enough,” said the player, “but the waiter gives me what I ask for. I’ll take an eight...”