Past Winners

Mom: Son, why don’t you talk to Mark anymore? You used to be best friends.

Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs, and is an alcoholic?

Mom: Of course not.

Son: Well, neither would he.

Wife: Honey, I saved $1 off on a loaf of bread!

Husband: That’s fantastic! How did you do that?

Wife: Well, I bought a 10lbs bag of birdseed.

Husband: But we don’t have any birds.

Wife: Yes I know but the birdseed came with 50 cents off dog food coupon that I used to buy dog food.

Husband (frustratedly): WE DON’T HAVE ANY DOGS EITHER!!!

Wife: I KNOW! But the dog food came with $1 off bread coupon!

I called Animal Welfare today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing four kittens."

“That's terrible," she replied, "Are they moving?”

“I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "but if they were that would explain the suitcase.”

Doctor, doctor . . . All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up!

Doctor: Sounds like a really bad case of parking sons disease.