The official glossary to running late...
"On the way..." - Still in bed.
"In the car..." - In the shower.
"GPS says 35 min..." - Getting ready.
"There's traffic..." - Leaving the house.
"Parking now..." - 15 minutes out.
"Can't find a spot..." - 5 minutes out.
"Walking in..." - Looking for a spot.
My neighbor called and invited me over to see his new aardvark.
When I arrived he ask if I would like to play with him?
The aardvark was growling loudly and does not seem very friendly so I ask, "Does it bite?"
My neighbor replied, "That's what I want to find out..."
A deaf old lady went to the doctor to find out whether there was any risk of her getting pregnant again.
He told her, “Mrs. Marx, you’re seventy-five. Whilst one can never rule out an act of God, if you were to have a baby it would be a miracle.”
When she got home, her husband asked her what the doctor had said.
“I didn’t quite catch it all,” she admitted, “but it sounded a bit fishy; something about an act of cod, and if I had a baby it would be a mackerel.”