Two dog owners were boasting about the intelligence of their pets.
“The smartest dog I ever had,” said one, “was an amazing Afghan hound that could play cards. He was amazing at poker, he could beat anyone, even professionals. But I had to have him put down.”
“You had him put to sleep?” said the other. “You must be crazy. A bright dog like that could be worth a million dollars.”
“I had no choice. I caught him using marked cards.”
In a very exclusive private school near California's Silicon Valley, a third-grade teacher was lecturing her upper high-class students about the less fortunate. She asked them each to write an essay about a poor family in the area.
One young girl's paper began:
"Once upon a time there was a poor family. The father was poor. The mother was poor. The children were poor. The nannies were poor. The pool man was poor. The personal trainer was poor. The gardeners were poor. This was a very poor family."
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads, "Talking Dog for Sale."
Intrigued, he walks in. "So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog.
"I've led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home."
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog's owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?"
The owner says, "Because he's a liar! He never did any of that!"