When Ruth's grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, "Oh no, oh no, now I can't be a doctor when I grow up."
Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn't.
Finally, she asked, "Why can't you be a doctor?"
Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, "Because now I will have to be a pirate!"
In an effort to compete with regional microchip production, the Mayor of St. Paul, MN decided to hold an economic luncheon event.
The caterer arrived with a full stock of mini apples and mini soda.
My doctor advised me to limit red meat in my diet.
So I stopped putting ketchup on my meatloaf.
My wife has been putting glue all over my rifle collection.
She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.