My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad.
But don’t worry...
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.
"Ah....." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."
"That's what you think," the man laughed. "I'm the father of THREE children."
The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOU think!"
Father: Why don't you answer the door?
Son: Because it didn't ask a question!
A lady came to an IT shop and asked the shop assistant, “Do you have Bark-code equipment?”
The shop assistant was confused and answered, “Madam, you probably mean a Bar-code reader, don't you?”
The lady said, “No, I want to understand why my dog is barking at me!”