I woke up in the hospital emergency ward. The intern came over and asked me if I knew what happen to bring me to the hospital. I explained, "Well, I was playing golf with my wife. I had been having a great game but unfortunately she was not.
On the 15th tee I hit a beautiful shot, 270 yards straight down the fairway. My wife steps up and hits a tremendous slice that leaves the course and lands in the pasture out of bounds.
We both went looking for the ball. Just as we were about to give up I spotted a glint of white coming from a cow's behind, just under its tail. I lifted the tail to make sure. Then I called to my wife saying, “Here, honey, this looks like yours.”
“That was the last thing I remember.”
After the honeymoon, the new wife tells her husband, “I think it’s time for you to stop playing golf. In fact, you might as well sell all of your clubs.”
The husband replies, “You’re starting to sound like my ex-wife.”
His wife says, “I thought you said you’ve never been married before?”
The husband says, “I haven’t.”
Recently I went to a new golf shop in the big city. I shopped and studied and finally selected the new clubs I wanted. As I was checking out and getting ready to pay, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me".
Not sure what was going on and not being used to the big city ways, I did as she asked. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader.
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer. I still don't think I looked that bad.
Arriving at the 18th hole where a large pond separated the fairway from the green, the foursome was shocked to see a golfer so furious with his game he threw his bag into the water and stormed off to the parking lot.
As they approached the green they noticed the man returning to the pond, removing his shoes and fishing for his bag. "Wow," one of the men said, "it seems he has recognized the error of his ways."
At that moment the errant golfer found his bag, zipped open the pocket, found his car keys, and then threw the bag back into the water.