golf jokes

A son challenged his boastful father to a game of golf. The son was determined to beat his father in golf for the first time.

On the very first swing, the father got a hole in one.

“Okay, nice shot dad," said the son, thinking quickly on his feet. “Now I will take my practice shot and then we will start.”

A land surveyor was tasked with mapping a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes. He needed a stout machete to clear thick brush as he went on. Along the way, he came upon a golf club that an irate player must have hurled into the woods. It was in good condition, so he picked it up and continued on.

When he broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at him in awe. After all, he had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind him was a clear-cut swath leading out of the woods.

"There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who really hates to lose a ball!"

I recently had a stroke and while laying in the hospital bed the phone rang, it was the PGA. This very proper voice said, "Is this Mr Petty?" I mumbled a "Yes." The voice continues, "I have to tell you sir, YOUR HANDICAP HAS JUST GONE UP BY ONE STROKE!"

Moses, Jesus and some' ol geezer are going to play a round of golf. Moses tees off, the ball goes right into the pond. No problem! Moses walks over parts the water and hits the ball again, where it lands about 1 foot from the first hole.

Jesus then tees off and the ball goes flying off to the left, hits a tree, then miraculously bounces to about 6 inches from the hole.

The' ol geezer steps up, tees off, the ball heads right for the pond, a huge bass jumps up grabs the ball in its mouth, suddenly an eagle swoops down, grabs the bass and flies over the green, the bass drops the ball and it rolls to just about 2 inches from the hole! All of a sudden a worm pops up and knocks the ball in. A hole in one.

Moses looks at Jesus and says, "You know, I really hate it when your DAD plays."