There was an inn keeper who urgently needed to expand his parking lot due to his business's growing needs. However, the lot next to his, which he had purchased, was covered with tree saplings and the city had an ordinance against bulldozing trees. The inn keeper was a powerful man on the city council and was friends with all of its members. He brought up an amendment to the council to allow him to bulldoze the saplings so he could pave it for his new lot. Was he successful?
No, the "infant tree's" always beat the "Inn's urgency".
During basic army training, a sergeant was telling his group how a submachine gun sprayed bullets. He drew a circle on a blackboard and announced that it had 260 degree.
“But, sergeant, all circles have 360 degrees,” called out a conscript.
“Don’t be stupid,” the sergeant roared. “This is a small circle.”
During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it. Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response. “You there,” the sergeant shouts, “the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire. Action!” The recruit takes two steps to one side.
“What are you doing, man?” Yells the sergeant, purple with fury. “I’m taking shelter behind an imaginary tree, Sergeant,” answers the recruit calmly.
A famous scientist developed a formula to bring statues to life.
He went to a local park to try it out on a statue of Gen. Ulysses Grant.
After application, Gen Grant began to move and soon was completely alive.
The scientist asked, "What's the first thing you'll do, General?"
The general answered while drawing his pistol "I'm going to kill about a million damn pigeons!"