I told my friend I wanted to join the military. My friend told me that the coast guard wouldn’t take me because I’m not six feet tall.
"Why does a person need to be six feet tall?" I asked.
He said, "That way if your boat goes down you can wade to shore."
The chief of staff of the Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"
The general turns to his aide and says, "Sign him up -- all the paper work done, everything, do it today!" The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills can you bring to the Air Force?"
The young man says, "I chop wood!"
"Son," the general replies, "We don't need wood choppers in the Air Force. What else do you know how to do?"
"I chop wood!" the young man repeats.
The general huffs, "You are not listening to me. We don't need wood choppers; this is the 21st century!"
"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother."
"Of course we did," says the general, "But he's a pilot!"
The young man rolls his eyes and says, "I have to CHOP it before he can pile it!"
The young boy was spending a Sunday afternoon with his grandpa. Looking at pictures of his grandpa in his military uniform, the boy asked, "Grandpa, did you ever kill anyone in the war?"
"No champ, I never did."
"That's a good thing."
"You're telling me," began grandpa, "I was the cook!"