During the first day of Navy Boot Camp, the lieutenant in charge had a stack of cards with each person’s name on it. He said, “When I read off your name, I want you to step forward, say 'Here, sir', then salute me, and then get back to where you were!”
Andrews: “Here, sir!”
Cooper: “Here, sir!”
Lieutenant: “Seeback!” (No response) “Seeback! (Still no response) “I said Seeback!”
The admiral next to him whispers something in his ear. The lieutenant then turns the card over and says: “Lodge!”
Lodge: “Here, sir!”
As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, "All right! All you idiots, fall out."
As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.
The soldier smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh, sir?"
During basic training, our drill sergeant asked for a show of hands of all Jewish personnel. Six of us raised our hands. Much to our relief, we were given the day off for Rosh Hashanah.
A few days later in anticipation of Yom Kippur, the drill sergeant again asked for all Jewish personnel to ID themselves. This time, every soldier raised his hand.
"Only the personnel who were Jewish last week can be Jewish this week," declared the sergeant.
The topic of the day at Army Airborne School was what you should do if your parachute malfunctions. We had just gotten to the part about reserve parachutes when another student raised his hand.
"If the main parachute malfunctions," he asked, "how long do we have to deploy the reserve?"
Looking the trooper square in the face, the instructor replied, "The rest of your life."