food jokes

Me: "Can I have a pizza with liver and onions?"

Pizza Place: "We don't do liver."

Me To Wife: "I thought you said they do liver?"

Wife: "I was told they do deliver."

Me: "Not according to this guy."

Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.

That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out?"

I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the young lady behind me leaned on her horn, because I was taking too long to place my order.

"Take the high road," I thought to myself. So when I got to the first window, I paid for her order along with my own.

The cashier must have told her what I'd done, because as we moved up she leaned out her window and waved to me and mouthed "Thank you", obviously embarrassed that I had repaid her rudeness with a kindness.

When I got to the second window I showed them both receipts and took her food, too.

Lesson: Don't honk your horn at old people.