My wife asked me to remind her to get ice cream for a pie we had on the way home.
I immediately bellowed, "REMEMBERRRRRR THEEE AALLAMOOODE!!!"
After a diner had finished his meal at a restaurant, the waiter brought him the bill, which read,
Omelete: $2.00
Tea: $.50
Take this back," the diner said, "And rewrite it as omelette with two T's." The waiter obliges, as he takes the bill and leaves. A few moments later, he returns with a new bill, reading:
Omelete: $2.00
2 teas: $1.00
A diner at a restaurant is becoming very impatient with his slow waiter. "Excuse me," he says to the waiter as he passes by. "Have you been to the zoo?"
"Why no," the waiter replies.
"Well, you might enjoy it," the diner replies. "You'd get a real charge out of watching the sloths dash around."
There once was a butcher named Herman who was famous for his fresh made turkey pies. Customers used to come from miles away to taste his pies. However, after a while, they had noticed that the pies didn't taste quite as good as they used to.
Hoping to get to the bottom of this matter, a customer approaches Herman one day and says, "Herman, I've noticed that lately your pies seem to taste different. Have you changed the recipe?"
"Well, just between you and me," Herman replies. "The pies have been in such high demand that there haven't been enough turkeys to go around, so I've been mixing in a bit of horse meat."
"Horse meat!" the customer echoes in shock. "How much?"
"Oh, about fifty-fifty." Herman replies.
"Fifty-fifty?"
"One horse to one turkey."