food jokes

An Englishman says to his friend, the Scotsman, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants.

"I go in at well past 9 o'clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, linger over coffee, port and a cigar. Come 12 o'clock, as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I say: 'I've already paid your colleague who has left.'”

The Scotsman is impressed, and says: "Let's try it together this evening.”

So the Scotsman books them into a restaurant and come 12 o'clock they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal.

Sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to pay.

The Englishman just says: "I've already paid your colleague who has left."

And the Scotsman adds:
"And we are still waiting for the change!"

Diner: "Waitress, I don't like all these flies buzzing around my plate."

Waitress: "Don't worry, sir, just show me the ones you don't like and I'll get rid of them."

The benefits of serving green tea to guests:

1) You look rich.

2) You save on milk.

3) They won't ask for more.

4) They won't come back.