A football fan's wife says, "I hate it when my husband calls leftovers 'Replays'."
A TV Executive's wife says, "Well my husband calls them 'Reruns'."
Mortician's wife says, "Count yourselves lucky, my husband calls them remains!"
If we are not to have a midnight snack, then why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
I ate a salad for lunch today! Well, mostly croutons and tomatoes...
Actually one big round crouton and tomato sauce. And cheese...
FINE! It was a pizza. I ate a pizza for lunch!
One day, I saw a friend of mine crying over a bag of chips.
I asked him what's wrong and he said that he was just following the instruction written on the bag of chips.
"Tear here to open!"