The clergyman of a large church, having just arrived in Fort Smith, was being shaved by a local barber that was addicted to occasional drinking sprees. There was an unmistakable odor of whisky around the barber's face and the razor suddenly nicked the man's face.
"You see, that comes from taking too much drink," said the clergyman.
"You're right," said the barber. "Drinking does make the skin tender, that's a fact."
A retiring pastor was saying farewell to his congregation at the church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out. She said, "Your successor won't be as good as you."
"Nonsense," said the pastor, in a flattered tone.
"No, really," said the old lady, "I've been here under five different ministers, and each one has been worse than the last."
I had been in heaven as an Apprentice Angel for about three months and was enjoying my stay. The day came when I was called to visit God.
GOD: "You are about to get your wings."
ME: "Lemon pepper or barbeque?"
GOD: "Get out... just go..."
About a year after her husband died, the widow Smith herself died. When she arrived at the pearly gates she ask if she could see her former husband.
"What's his name? "
"You'll have to give us better identification than that. Maybe his last words? We classify each arrival that way."
"Well, just before he died he said to me, 'Katie, if you ever waste any of my hard earned dollars, I'll turn over in my grave.'"
"Oh, sure we know him. We call him Whirling Joe up here."