religious jokes

A new preacher wanted to rent a house in the country but the only one available was rumored to be haunted. That didn’t bother the preacher since he didn’t believe in such things. He went ahead and rented the place. Soon the ghost made its appearance. The preacher told his friends about the ghost, but they didn’t believe him. They told him the only way they would believe was if he took a picture of the ghost.

The preacher went home and called for the ghost. When it appeared, the preacher explained the situation and asked the ghost if it would mind having its picture taken. The ghost agreed. When the picture was developed, the ghost wasn’t visible. Feeling disappointed, the preacher called again for the ghost. When it appeared, the preacher showed it the picture and wanted to know why the ghost wasn’t in it.

The ghost thought a minute and replied, “Well, I guess the spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.”

At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister. As one shook the minister’s hand, he said, “Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, I bet you’re smarter than Einstein.”

Beaming with pride, the minister said, “Why, thank you, that's nice of you to say.”

As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man’s compliment. The more he thought, the more he wondered why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So the following Sunday he asked the man, “Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?”

The man replied, “Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But Reverend, last Sunday no one could understand you!"

Three police officers were standing in line at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked the first officer, “What did you do with your life?”

“I was a police officer,” he responded.
“What kind of police officer?” Saint Peter asked.
“I was a vice officer. I kept drugs off the streets and out of the hands of kids.”
“Welcome to heaven. You may enter the gates.”

He asked the second man what he did as a police officer. “I was a traffic officer,” said the man. “I kept the roads and highways safe.”
“Welcome to heaven. You may enter the gates.”

He asked the third man what he did as a police officer. “I was a military policeman, sir,” replied the man.

“Wonderful! I’ve been waiting for you all day!” replied Saint Peter. “I need to take a break! Watch the gate, will you?”

During the school year, the public library where I work is open on Sunday afternoons. Signs posted around the library read, Sunday service available 1:30-5:00, September-June. One day a woman was returning some books when she noticed one of these signs.

"Oh, you have Sunday service now?" she asked me.

"Yes, from 1:30 to 5:00, September through June," I explained.

"I see," she said. "And what denomination is it?"