religious jokes

Category: "Religious Jokes"
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A pastor told the congregation his desire to lose weight and by declaring it to them he thought it would help him meet his goal. After several weeks of taking another route past his favorite pastry shop he made the mistake of going by it on his way to the church and he showed up with a large box of tasty treats.

"What happened to your diet? asked the head deacon.

"I prayed this morning as I passed my favorite pastry shop that if the Lord wanted me to stop, to give me a sign by having a parking space open right in front of the shop. Sure enough, on the third trip around the shop there indeed opened up a free space."

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posted by "Bumpa Hennigar" |
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Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"

"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."

"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"

"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."

Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.

When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.

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posted by "HENNE" |
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Four old Catholic women sit and brag about their sons. The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic woman says, "My incredibly handsome son is 6' 2 with broad, square shoulders, good manners and impeccable style. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, 'Oh my God'."

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posted by "D-Gellybean" |
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Some people have a hard time understanding how Noah could fit all those animals inside the ark...

But what amazes me is that Noah built the ark without a single power tool.

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posted by "D-Gellybean" |