An elderly American couple went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker explained to the husband that, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000 or you can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150".
The man thought about it and told him that he would just have his wife shipped home. The undertaker was surprised. He asked the man, "Why would you spend $5,000 to have your wife shipped home when it would be wonderful for her to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried, and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that risk."
A woman who lived next door to a preacher was puzzled by his personality change in the pulpit. At home he was shy, quiet and retiring but in the church he was a real fire and brimstone orator, rousing the masses in the name of God. It was as if he was two different people.
One day she asked him about the dramatic transformation that came over him when he preached.
“Ah,” he said, “that’s my altar ego.”
Leaving church one Sunday, a middle-aged woman said to her husband, “Do you think that Flanagan girl is dyeing her hair?”
“I didn’t even see her,” replied the husband.
"And that skirt Mrs. Fitzgerald was wearing,” continued the wife. “Don’t tell me you thought that was appropriate attire for a mother of four?”
“I’m afraid I didn’t notice that either,” said the husband.
“Huh!” scoffed the wife. “A lot of good it does bringing YOU to church.”
The church council met to discuss the pastor’s compensation package for the coming year. After the meeting the chair of council told the pastor, “We are very sorry, Pastor, but we are unable to give you a raise for next year.”
“But a raise would be helpful,” said the pastor. “I am but a poor preacher.”
“l know,” the council chair said. “We hear you every Sunday.”