A young hiker is traveling thru a heavily wooded area and comes upon a Monastery full of friars and monks. He knocks on the door for directions, however is invited inside for "Fish and Chips" for lunch.
After lunch he exclaimed that this was the most delicious fish and chips he had ever eaten. Seeing a chef emerge from the kitchen, he raced over and said, "Are you the Fish Friar?
To which the reply was, "No, I am the Chip Monk."
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
- The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
- The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
- The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
- The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results:
- The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
- The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
- Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
- Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
Just then a little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said, "I get it! As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to Heaven. St. Peter was at the pearly gates waiting for them.
"Come with me," said St. Peter to the taxi driver. The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to a gigantic swimming pool.
"Wow, thank you!" said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
"Wait, I think you are a little mixed up," said the priest. "Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all, I was a priest and preached God's word every day."
"Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed."
A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday. Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up.
Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn't a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs.
When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back."
The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, "I beg your pardon?"
"Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," repeated the minister. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.
Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly, "Three chairs for the Baptists," he enunciated.
The usher's face lit up he turned to face the congregation. "All right, everybody," he called out. "Three cheers for the Baptists!"