A preacher challenged his wife and criticized her actions after finding a dress costing $250 in her bag. He said, "You know we are on an incredibly tight budget.
The wife admitted that she was wrong but explained she was tempted by the devil who followed her to the shopping mall.
The man rested a hand on the woman's shoulders and spoke softly, asking her to constantly resist the devil with the command, "Get behind me, Satan!"
The preacher's wife response was: "I did, and he said 'The dress even looks good from back here.'"
Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest...
Forgive me, for I have synonymed.
Offerings had been down the past several Sundays and the preacher decided he had to do something to change the trend. The next Sunday, as the plate was being passed he said, "Brothers and Sisters, I don't like to have to do this, but there is a man in the congregation who is having an affair with another parishioner's wife, and if there is not at least five dollars in the collection, I will reveal his name."
Later, as he counted the money he found 20 five dollar bills, and a two dollar bill with a note that read, "Forever hold your peace, I'll have that other three dollars before sundown!"
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer and he hear a "Dear Harold."
At this, dad interrupted and said, "Wait a minute, why did you call God 'Harold'?"
The little boy looked up and said, "That's what they call Him in church. You know the prayer we say, 'Our Father, who art in Heaven, Harold be Thy name.'"