religious jokes

Man: "Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?

Priest: "My son, do you mean a choir?"

Man: "Fine Father, do you know how much it is to acquire a church singing group?"

Visitor: "Whats the wifi password?"

Priest: "Respect the dead."

Visitor: "All upper case?"

A priest and a homeless man are standing on the road in a heavy storm, holding a sign that says "Turn Back, the end is Nigh!"

A car passes them, the driver yelling, "Get off the road you lunatics!"

As it rounds the corner a loud crash is heard.

The homeless man then tells the priest, "I told you we should've written 'Bridge out'!"

A young missionary on his first term in Africa is out away from camp having devotions in a quiet clearing, as was his custom. This one particular day, while reading his Bible, a lion comes and lies down right beside him, so close that the hot warm smell of his breath is wafting over him. He is, as you would suppose, exceedingly uneasy.

He closes his eyes, praying, but when he opens them he sees another lion approach from the brush. The lion proceeds to lie down on the other side of him.

Convinced as he is that this is a test of his faith, he determines to return to his Bible reading. As soon as he does so, the two lions pounce upon him and devour him.

Moral of the story: Don't read between the lions.