Two elderly sisters donated $5 to a charity and, to their surprise, won tickets to a football game. Since they had never seen a live football game before, Madge thought the free tickets would provide an excellent opportunity for doing so.
"I think so, too," said Mabel. "Let's go!"
They soon found themselves high in a noisy stadium overlooking a large, grassy expanse. They watched the kickoff and the seemingly endless back-and-forth struggles that comprised the scoreless first half.
They enjoyed the band music and cheerleader performance that followed. Then came the second half. When the teams lined up for the second-half kickoff, Madge nudged her sister.
"I guess we can go home now, Mabel," she said. "This is where we came in."
A man was stopped by the fish and game warden. He had with him two buckets of fish. The fish and game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch all those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around. After a while, I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them back home again."
"That's a bunch of hogwash! Fish can't do that!" was the outburst from the Warden.
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." The man poured the two buckets of fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH!" the warden said.
"What fish?" the man asked.
Have a fisherman friend that is always exaggerating the size of the CATFISH he catches. I ask him what was the size of his latest catch.
He replied, "Five inches!"
"Five inches?" I asked. "Five inches is not a very large catfish."
"You didn't let me finish," he began, "five inches between the eyes!"