"Last weekend I ran a half marathon!”
"Really?"
"Well no, not really, but it sounds so much better than saying 'I quit halfway through a full marathon.'”
At the weekly senior lunch, it came time for diners to share positive family stories. Grandpa was hard pressed and had to reach for a good one.
As he cleared his throat he said, "My grandson, in his first three little league games of the season, he has three no-hit games!"
"Wow!" Came of voice from the back. "Sounds like he's gonna be a great pitcher!"
After a pause, Grandpa stuttered, "Well, I meant as a batter..."
What did one disgruntled cardboard fake fan say to another?
"I wasn't cut out for this!"
Two guys were walking past an outdoor basketball court.
"You want to play Horse?" asked one guy.
His friend replied, "Sure, I guess... but only if I get to be the front legs."