A man was stopped by the fish and game warden. He had with him two buckets of fish. The fish and game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch all those fish?"
The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the warden replied.
"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around. After a while, I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them back home again."
"That's a bunch of hogwash! Fish can't do that!" was the outburst from the Warden.
The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." The man poured the two buckets of fish into the lake and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?"
"Well, what?" the man responded.
"When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted.
"Call who back?" the man asked.
"The FISH!" the warden said.
"What fish?" the man asked.
Have a fisherman friend that is always exaggerating the size of the CATFISH he catches. I ask him what was the size of his latest catch.
He replied, "Five inches!"
"Five inches?" I asked. "Five inches is not a very large catfish."
"You didn't let me finish," he began, "five inches between the eyes!"
Two high school buddies decided once and for all to prove who was the faster swimmer. They picked a large stream near their old high school, and the first one to swim to the other side would be declared the winner. Harvey, a friend of Bill, the so-called underdog, had a plan.
"For some reason," Harvey explained to Bill's other rooters, "Bill loves jokes, and when he hears or reads good, funny jokes, it gets his adrenaline going, and nothing can stop him."
Harvey then grabs a joke book and hands it to Bill before the whistle blew to start the race. "And they're off!" the whistle blower shouted.
Halfway across, picking the winner was practically a no-brainer. "Bill's going to win!" yelled one.
"He's actually chuckling and giggling, reading that joke book while swimming to the slope bordering the other side of the stream."
"What's he accomplishing by doing that?"
"He's laughing all the way to the bank!"