One fisherman to another, "You should've seen what happened yesterday at the lake."
"What happened?"
"I caught a twenty-three pound salmon!"
"Were there any witnesses?"
"Yes, of course! If there wasn't, it would've been thirty-three pounds."
One of the youth soccer coaches didn't care much for my refereeing and had no problem letting me know it. Fed up, I politely threatened him with a send-off if he didn't stop.
He calmed down, but an older woman took up where he'd left off. "You'd better control your sideline," I warned the coach.
The coach turned to the woman and barked, "Knock it off, Mom!"
Q: What is it that, the harder you run, the harder it is to catch?
A: Your breath.
What does the 'N' in the Nebraska football helmet stand for?
Knowledge.