Have a fisherman friend that is always exaggerating the size of the CATFISH he catches. I ask him what was the size of his latest catch.
He replied, "Five inches!"
"Five inches?" I asked. "Five inches is not a very large catfish."
"You didn't let me finish," he began, "five inches between the eyes!"
Did you hear about the professional golfer who got arrested for assaulting his chauffeur?
All he did was take out his driver.
Two high school buddies decided once and for all to prove who was the faster swimmer. They picked a large stream near their old high school, and the first one to swim to the other side would be declared the winner. Harvey, a friend of Bill, the so-called underdog, had a plan.
"For some reason," Harvey explained to Bill's other rooters, "Bill loves jokes, and when he hears or reads good, funny jokes, it gets his adrenaline going, and nothing can stop him."
Harvey then grabs a joke book and hands it to Bill before the whistle blew to start the race. "And they're off!" the whistle blower shouted.
Halfway across, picking the winner was practically a no-brainer. "Bill's going to win!" yelled one.
"He's actually chuckling and giggling, reading that joke book while swimming to the slope bordering the other side of the stream."
"What's he accomplishing by doing that?"
"He's laughing all the way to the bank!"
Pool Player #1: "I nicknamed the cue ball on my pool table 'Itch'."
Pool Player #2: "Why?"
Pool Player #1: "I'm always scratching it!"