One day three doctors went to a convention together, on the way back, they noticed the car was slowing down. They got out and looked at the tires. The first doctor said "I think its flat."

The second felt it and said "It feels flat."

The third stares at it and says "It looks flat."

All of them, without taking their eyes off the wheel, shook their heads and said in unison, "We better run some tests."

Did you hear about the new garlic diet?

You don't actually lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance.

One day a man dies and goes to heaven. There, he sees St. Peter at the entrance.

Before he went in, Peter stopped him and said, "Sorry, but you have told too many lies to be allowed here."

The man looked at him sadly and said, "Have a heart, you were once a fisherman yourself."

One fisherman to another, "You should've seen what happened yesterday at the lake."

"What happened?"

"I caught a twenty-three pound salmon!"

"Were there any witnesses?"

"Yes, of course! If there wasn't, it would've been thirty-three pounds."