A manager was told by his doctor to take up some sport for exercise, so he decided to play tennis. After a couple of weeks, his administrative assistant asked him how he was doing.
"It's going fine," the manager said. "When I'm on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says, "To the corner! Backhand! To the net! Smash! Go back!"
"Really? What happens then?" the woman asked enthusiastically.
"Then my body says, 'Who? Me? Don't talk nonsense!'"
In curling, there is a certain mystique about the pebble on the ice. Without it, rocks will not slide or curl. Another curling fact is that the cold air tends to make player's noses run, so much so that there is usually facial tissue ant both ends of the rink.
Two seasoned curlers were having an argument. The first said that nose drippings ruined the ice. The second contended that they just added to or improved the pebble. They decided to have the icemaker settle the matter.
The second curler, hoping to sway the ice technician asked a loaded question, "I understand that nose drippings just add to and even improve the curl. Is that true?"
The icemaker was a man of few words and quickly replied, "'Snot true."
It's game 7 of the NBA basketball finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty."
"The first man exclaims, "What?!?! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?"
The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together."
The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?"
The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."