A lawyer meets with the family of a recently deceased millionaire for the reading of the will.
"To my loving wife, Rose, who always stood by me, I leave the house and $2 million," the attorney reads.
"To my darling daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1 million."
"And finally," the lawyer concludes, "to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me and thought I would never mention him in my will. Well, you were wrong. Hi Dan!"
A woman made an appointment with a divorce attorney. The first thing he asked was why she wanted a divorce. She replied, "I’m not appreciated anymore and my husband even tells me I’m not a good house keeper."
The attorney replied, "Oh don’t worry, you’ll keep the house."
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take
half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You are really dumb, old man, I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"
The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."
A lawyer is walking along the beach and spots a glass bottle in the sand. When he opens it he discovers a genie inside.
Genie: Sir, I will grant you three wishes, but you must understand that whatever you wish for, every other lawyer in the world will get double.
Man: Hmmm. Okay. First I'd like $100 million.
Genie: No problem, but just understand that each lawyer got $200 million.
Man: I understand. For my second wish, I'd like a new Porsche. In red, please.
Genie: Fine. It is in your garage. And just FYI, every lawyer in the world just got two of the same.
Man: That's okay with me.
Genie: And for your third wish?
Man: Well, I always did want to donate a kidney . . .