lawyer jokes

A man went to his lawyer and asked him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he won’t pay up. What should I do?"

"Do you have any proof he owes you the money?" asked the lawyer.

"Nope," replied the man.

"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $5,000 he owes you," said the lawyer.

"But it's only $500," replied the man.

"Precisely. That’s what he will reply and then you’ll have your proof!"

A policeman was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. “Officer — did you see my client escaping the scene?”

“No sir. Be that as it may, I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.”

“Officer — who provided this description?”

“The responding officer.”

“A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?”

“Yes, sir. With my life.”

“With your life? Do you have a room where you change your clothes before your daily duties?”

“Yes, sir, we do.”

“And do you have a locker in the room?”

“Yes, sir, I do.”

“And do you have a lock on your locker?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, why do you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?”

“You see, sir — we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.”

Talk is cheap . . .

Until you hire a lawyer.

I hired a lawyer who claims to have never lost a case. We lost the case and I said, "Well, there goes your advertising claim."

He replied, "I got paid and I call that a win!"

"What if I don't pay you?" I asked.

"I advise you to pay. I'll take you to court, get a judgement for the money you owe plus expenses. I'd call that a win win!"

I said, "Okay then, what do I owe you?"

His reply, "$2500 dollars plus $350."

"What's the 350 for?" I demanded to know.

His answer... "The advice I just gave you."