lawyer jokes

A man committed murder. To fight his case he was advised to hire a good lawyer. He checked one who asked for $100. He thought this one is not good enough. The next one wanted $500. The next $5000. He found a real expensive one who wanted $10,0000.So the accused hired him. Ultimately he lost the case and was sentenced to death. As he was being taken to the death chamber, the first lawyer met him on the way and said " I would have got you this result for $100 only"!

Gatiep grew up in Tafelsig, Mitchell's Plain, an average suburb of Cape
Town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to
come back to Mitchell’s Plain, because he could be a big man in Tafelsig.
He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new
Law office. The first day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk. He decided to
make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came
to the door Gatiep picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, while talking. "No. Absolutely no. You tell those clowns in New York that I won't
settle this case for less than one million. Yes. The Appeals Court has agreed
to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument
and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the
State Prosecutor that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details."
This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while
The man sat patiently as Gatiep rattled instructions. Finally, Gatiep put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay, but as you can see, I'm very busy. What
can I do for you?" The man replied, "I'm from Telkom, I've come to connect your telephone line".

Q. Why don't snakes bite lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy!

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homes where they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peter's holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says, "Here you go" and goes to leave when the forester says "Wait minute! How come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?"

St. Peter says: "Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before."