lawyer jokes

What is the favorite pastime for Retired Lawyers?

Ambulance chasing!

----- Old Habits Die Hard-----

A juvenile court was prosecuting a teen suspected of burglary. The judge asked everyone to stand and state his or her name and role for the court reporter.

"Leah Rauch, deputy prosecutor."

"Linda Jones, probation officer."

"Sam Clark, public defender."

"John," said the teen who was on trial. "I’m the one who stole the truck."

A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, fax, photocopying, and everything but lunch hours.

Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services.

Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list:

"For crossing the street to talk to you, then discovering it wasn't you at all - $125."

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.

Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbor of his. The neighbor happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed by the theft, the butcher called up his neighbor and said, "If your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the meat?"

The lawyer replied, "Of course. How much was the roast?"

"$7.98," said the butcher.

A few days later, the butcher received a check in the mail for $7.98. Attached to it was an invoice that read, Legal Consultation Service: $150.